In This Next Life
by BabsGordon95
Summary: Five years seems like no time at all, but to Erin it represents the life she had lost. Now, through mysterious and unknown circumstances, Erin is back. Her presence disrupts many lives, including Roy's. Erin has her own part to play in the upcoming battle for Earth's survival, but first someone else needs to know the truth about Erin, but they lie in a coma. Sequel to Life Goes On
1. After Life

**AN: The Third and final installment of the story of Roy and Erin. If you're new, please check out Redemption and Life Goes On first! If you've stuck with me since the beginning, then thank you for your loyalty and patience! Enjoy!**

It's been almost five years since I died.

The afterlife was pretty much what all the stories said it would be: clouds, angels, and everything is bright white. Raziel, who brought me to this place, was my personal angel. Not a guardian angel; it was too late for that. No, Raziel was supposed to guide me and watch over me for the first year of my new… existence. But he worried about me. Even after he was supposed to take a new charge, he refused because I needed watching still. I didn't take too kindly to this place.

He stayed constantly by my side in the beginning because of the traumatic way I had died. Raziel had given me the grand tour saving, in my opinion, the silver lining of the afterlife. He showed me the mirror pools.

He showed me how I see any part of the living world just by thinking of a person or a place and then dipping my index finger into the water-like substance. The process reminded me of Simba from Lion King. Raziel most certainly be my Rafiki.

Since I didn't need to sleep or eat, I spent almost every second at the mirror pools. Others came and went, visiting only occasionally or on specific days, like birthdays or holidays. I was the only one who constantly came to the pools.

"Here again, I see."

I turned away from the scene currently in front of me (Abby going through her morning routine of making coffee) and looked at Raziel.

"You sound so surprised," I said drily.

"Just making a statement." That was Raziel for you. Short sentences and to the point. Raziel walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "The others are worried about you, Erin. They fear that you've seen too much."

I looked away from him and back at the pool. It's true. I had seen a lot these five years.

I had watched Dickie grow up and shed the Robin façade for his new Nightwing persona. I was looking down when Abby graduated from high school (walking alone down the aisle in honor of my memory) and when she and Kaldur had decided to go their separate ways. I felt proud when Wally and Artemis stuck together, retiring from the hero business and going on to college.

The only thing that ever stung when I was looking down in the pool was Roy. He had moved on to Jade, just like I knew he would. Finding out about Lian was hard. I couldn't help but think "that should have been my baby." It was wrong, I know, but Jade had received everything I had ever wanted. My only comfort was the fact that Lian was the motivation Roy needed to get out of his slump and finally find the original Roy.

"You wish to see him, don't you?" Raziel guessed. He seemed to always know when Roy was on my mind.

"I see him every day," I answered coldly.

Raziel sighed. "You died too young. It left you full of longing. I had tried to get the council to allow you to live."

"Well, that obviously didn't work, did it?" I shook my head, "Besides, I thought there was no choice?"

"There is always a choice."

"A choice? I haven't had a choice since the day I met Red Arrow." Raziel didn't get it. He never would. He didn't have the human emotions that plagued me even in death. I sighed. "Raziel, I'm not in the mood for a philosophy debate."

A sad smile flickered on his face for only a second. "Good," he said simply, "because that's not why I'm here. I am here to tell you that you can go back."

I stood up. "Go back?" I asked. "Go back where?"

"To the living world." Raziel put up a hand to stop me when I opened my mouth. "The council has approved your visit. They grant a visit every five years after the person has been deceased. Yours has arrived." Raziel stopped looking at me and stared off into the distance. "The council was hesitant to approve your visit as it would change many things. Things they don't think should be messed with. In the end, they decided it was out of their hands."

My mouth was hanging open and my eyes were threatening tears, if the dead could cry.

"I can go back?"

Raziel nodded. "Yes. Though I don't want you to."

I blinked. "What?"

"I may not have emotion like you, Erin, but I do care for you."

I smiled and did what I had never done before. I hugged Raziel. He gave me a quick squeeze and then pushed me away.

"You can only visit one person," Raziel explained. "You must pick–"

"I already know who." _Come on, let me go now! _I was getting impatient.

"All right." Raziel took a step towards me, "Keep the one you wish to visit on your mind and in your thoughts," _he is always on my mind_. "He will not be able to see you until you wish for him to see you, but he will always be able to hear your voice."

"So, is this how ghosts exist?" I asked before the chance was lost.

Raziel nodded. "Goodbye, Erin Sullivan." He placed his index finger on my forehead and my eyes closed.


	2. Not Over You

When my eyes opened, I was in a small, but familiar, apartment. I recognized the gray-green walls and the wood-paneled floor. The apartment, however, was cleaner than the last time I had looked in.

A _thump_ caught my attention and I watched as Roy swung in from the open window in the living room, dressed in his Red Arrow gear. He paused long enough to take a look around.

"Good," he mumbled, "Jade's not here."

When I looked closer at Roy, I had to suppress a laugh. Though he looked better groomed and well fed, his hair was starting to get long again.

Roy sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands, sighing. I couldn't waste any more time.

I took a deep breath and said, "You're getting a little shaggy again, Red."

Roy jumped at the sound of my voice and quickly surveyed the room.

"Erin?" he called. After no answer, Roy slumped back down on the couch. Shaking his head, he groaned. "I must be hearing things."

I crossed the room and knelt down in front of Roy. I let go of the need to be invisible and willed myself to be seen as I whispered, "You're not hearing things, Red. I'm really here."

Roy's eyes widened. With a shaky hand, he reached out to me. I grabbed it– hiding my own amazement that I was solid– and placed it against my cheek. For so long I had felt like Tantalus, sentenced to a lifetime of thirst, but Roy's touch was my cool drink of water.

With my other hand, I plucked off Roy's mask and threw it to the floor, revealing his blue eyes that could always make me melt.

"How-how is this possible?" he stammered.

"It's complicated," I answered. "Raziel just sent me for a visit, but I don't know why. Apparently, it's some kind of reward we get every five years. Raziel was very vague about the whole thing, just saying that it would 'change a great many things.' Vague is kind of the definition of Raziel."

Roy looked taken back. "Who's Raziel?"

I laughed softly to myself. Only Roy, who was married, could be jealous when his dead girlfriend mentioned another guy. "It's kind of a long story, but the simplest explanation is that he's the angel assigned to watch over me while I'm… on the other side."

Roy relaxed again. "Oh."

I bit my lip. I was given this chance to visit Roy, but maybe I could do a bit more.

Taking his face with my hands, I made eye contact with Roy.

"Roy, listen. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. It's yours. But I am going to ask something of you. I've been watching you– the whole team really, but mostly you – and I know life's been hard. But I think you should rejoin the team." I paused. "Actually, I _want_ you to rejoin the team. It would get you back on track. I've noticed you've started to fall again since you found Roy and I think rejoining the team is what's best." I held my breath, waiting for his answer.

He just nodded and said, "I understand."

I didn't know if he would listen to me, but I tried my best. I guess another motive was it would get him away from Jade. She obviously hadn't been doing him any good anyway.

A tug at my body pulled me out of my thoughts. It was time. I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Roy. It's time for me to go."

"No!" Roy grabbed me and pulled me close. He put our foreheads together as he moaned, "I can't let you go. Not again."

I felt my eyes watering. It was a strange feeling. I pulled my face away. "You have before."

Roy sat back and tugged at a chain, removing it from around his neck and hiding the necklace in his hand.

"I've never let you go, Erin," he said softly, "Never." Roy opened his hand to reveal the pocket watch I had given him. He clicked the button so the watch popped open. My picture was still in perfect condition. "I carry this with me wherever I go. Jade doesn't know I have it." Roy closed the watch, replaced it around his neck and touched his fingertips to my cheek. "I've never gotten over you, Erin, and I never will. I love you still."

The tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks.

"I love you, too, Roy." I leaned forward and met Roy's lips with mine. I drank it up as I knew I would never have it again. The pulling became stronger. I looked at Roy one last time and whispered, "Goodbye."


	3. Following Orders

Roy still couldn't believe it. After five years of wishing, he finally had Erin in front of him, had felt her skin against his, and now she was gone.

Again.

She had faded away like a puff of smoke. He reached for the space where she had been, but it was useless.

Part of him wanted to slip back into that deep, empty depression that had plagued him for so long. The other part of him was screaming. Screaming at him to get off his ass and rejoin the team like Erin had told him to. She was his life and knowing that she was watching over him made him want to be the old Roy again. The better Roy.

So he did just that.

Roy jumped up and wrote a short note to Jade. He didn't tell her where he was going or when, or even if, he would be returning. Heck, he didn't even say goodbye. He didn't even know why he was leaving her a note. Jade hadn't said anything when she left, just took off, knowing that she was carrying his child.

Roy crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash, knowing that Jade would see it sooner or later.

Next, Roy went into the bedroom. He grabbed his duffle bag out of the closet and stuffed it full with clothes. Pausing at the dresser, a certain object catching his eye.

It was a picture of his daughter, Lian. The picture rested in a frame that he had engraved with her name. Roy felt a little guilty for leaving her, but she needed a dad she could be proud of when she got older, especially with the mother she had.

Roy took the picture and placed it safely in the folds of the clothes.

After double checking that he had what he needed, Roy grabbed his bow case, swung the duffle bag over his shoulder and exited through the window to avoid running into Jade if she happened to be in the hallway.

On the roof of his apartment building, Roy took a deep breath and started on his way to the one place he had avoided for five years.

Happy Harbor.

()*()*()*()*()

It was nightfall when Roy arrived. He rested on a rooftop where he could see the Cave. Sitting down, he leaned against a brick chimney.

"What are you doing here?"

Roy looked up to where the voice came from to see Dick standing over him. Roy smirked and shrugged.

"I'm doing what Erin told me to do," Roy said.

Dick was taken back. "Erin, but–"

"I know she's dead, Dick, but she came to me. She's been watching over all of us and she told me to rejoin the team. And that's what I'm doing."

Dick raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think we'll take you back?"

Roy sighed and removed the watch from his neck, opening it up so both of them could see Erin's picture. "It's been five years, Dick, since she died. I never got over her. Then she shows up like a ghost in my apartment for five minutes, tells me to do something and then disappears." He glanced up at Dick. "I'm doing what she told me to do. You can't stop me."

"Erin will always be a part of all of us," Dick said. "She was our first casualty. None of us can get over that." He smiled and nudged Roy with his foot. "Come on. I'm sure there's still a room with your name on it."

Roy returned the smile and returned the pocket to its home as he stood up and followed Dick to his new home.


	4. Ressurection

When I faded from Roy's apartment, I expected to open my eyes and be back in the afterlife. I didn't expect to float like a true ghost above Washington D.C. I floated there for a minute or two and then the pull returned and carried me over the ocean.

After nothing but blue, a speck of green appeared on the horizon. It was an island. I flew through the trees and into an old temple-like building. My soul– spirit– whatever you want to call it– came to a stop in a big, strange room. There were people dressed in dark red robes with hoods that covered their faces standing in a large circle. They were chanting in some unknown language.

I was above the center of the circle when I looked down. There was a coffin freshly taken out of the ground; I could see the dirt still stuck to the polished wood.

The chanting grew louder and louder and pull on me became stronger. I tried to fight it, but it was no use. I was sucked into the coffin.

()*()*()*()*()

No one remembers taking their very first breath they take when they're born. Being reborn? That's a different story.

That first gasp of air was like fresh water. There was tingling sensation all over my body. I could feel my limbs starting to wake up, like when you've lain on your arm too long and it fell asleep so you have to move it to wake it up.

I pushed up on the coffin's lid but it wouldn't budge. I banged my fists against the wood, knowing one of the people in the robes would have to let me out.

The coffin lid suddenly swings open and I sit my way up into an upright position.

"What the hell just happened?" I huffed.

The cloak who had opened the lid spoke up.

"Fate has chosen you," he said in a low, whispery voice.

"Fate?" _Ummm…_ "Who's 'fate'?"

"Fate is who we, as The Brotherhood, serve."

Okay, I had officially met Raziel's human counterpart. I've had five years of dealing with philosophy, I want straight answers now.

"Look," I said, trying to sound authorative, "just tell me why I am no longer dead."

The Head Cloak sighed. "Every so often, Fate chooses a warrior to be reborn to bring balance back between good and evil. Fate has chosen you, for you shall play a major part in the battle ahead."

_Great. So I'm Anakin Skywalker_. I shake my head. "I'm no warrior."

"You will be. Through your rebirth, Fate has rejuvenated your body to your proper age and given you advanced agility, improved acrobatics, aggression and drive."

I grimaced. "So… what? I'm your personal little soldier now?"

Head Cloak shook his head. "No. The Brotherhood is forbidden to meddle in the affairs of love and yours is still in this world. We do not understand why Fate has chosen you, but you are free to go without our interference."

"Good." I lift myself up and swing my legs out of the coffin, all in one swift move, landing gracefully on my feet. Head Cloak wasn't kidding about the improvements. If I had tried that before I had died I'd be walking around with a bruised face. The only issue now was the white dress I was buried in was too small and restricting.

"We have prepared this for you." Another Cloak stepped up and handed me a black duffle bag.

I took it and opened it up. Inside was a passport, a birth certificate, social security card, ID and driver's license all with my name, Erin Sullivan, on them, but with new information. Only my birth year stayed the same.

Under these necessities were a black tank top, dark jeans, converse, and a black and red button down jacket.

"There is a boat waiting to take you to shore," Head Cloak informed me. "It's time for you to go."

I looked up from the duffle bag to Head Cloak and knew he was right.

()*()*()*()*()

Happy Harbor.

When I left the temple and reached the shore, I didn't know where to go. But then I remembered what I had told Roy to do and I knew that I needed to do it too.

In the first town I had hit on my way to Happy Harbor, I had caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window. I really understood what Head Cloak meant by rejuvenating my body "to its proper age." I was no longer seventeen. I was now looking at a woman of twenty-two who I barely recognized. It was a strange feeling, but I couldn't dwell on it. I had a schedule to keep.

When I hit Happy Harbor I couldn't bring myself to go to the Cave just yet. Memories were drawing me to the beach– our beach– instead.

I was walking aimlessly around until I noticed someone sitting near the water.

It was Roy.

Seeing him when I was alive was worse than seeing him when I was dead. I was so close, but I knew I could no longer have him. I couldn't get away with stealing a kiss again.

I took a few steps closer to Roy and then had to stop a laugh from escaping. Roy had cut his hair since my "visit".

I smirk. "You got a haircut."

Roy must have been on edge because as soon as I spoke he jumped up, bow drawn.

After a second, Roy's eyes widened in recognition.

"Erin?" He ran up to me and then stopped abruptly. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

My smirk grows into a smile. "No you didn't. It's really me, Roy."

He blinked over and over again. "How-I-but- that's not possible-I–"

"Shhh."

I stepped forward, placing my hand on his shoulder. I had to pause at the realization that I was no longer at a short 5-foot-2 stature. Who knew the differences two inches could make?

"Roy, it's really me," I reassured him, the smile leaving my lips. "I was resurrected by a society called The Brotherhood.

"They- they resurrected you?" he stammered.

"Yeah," I nodded. "They serve someone who goes by the name 'Fate' who said I had a part to play in an upcoming battle."

Roy scrunched his eyebrows. "But you've never been a fighter."

The smile returned into a small, cooked grin. "Things have changed."

Roy looked away. "Yes, they have."

"Come on," I held my hand out to him and he took it. "Let's go surprise the rest of the team."


	5. Hello, Again

The Cave hadn't changed at all. The people, however, had changed a great deal.

I was drinking in the Main Hall when Dick came in from one of the hallways and came up to Roy and me, seething.

"Roy," he said roughly, "You know the rules. No outsiders. I can still kick you out of here."

I stepped forward. "I'm not really an outsider, Dickie." I felt like a repellent when Dick stepped back, shocked. "Yeah, it's really me, Dickie."

"But–" Dick stuttered, "_how_?"

"I was resurrected by the Brotherhood," I answered.

"I've heard of them," the smart-ass nodded. "They bring back people they believe will bring back balance between good and evil." He paused. "They're usually people who died young."

"Well, doesn't _that_ make sense," I said drily.

"Dick, what is–" M'gann walked in and stopped mid-step at the sight of me. She didn't say anything, she just ran up to me, tears in her eyes, and hugged me to the point of blocking off my air. "You don't have to explain," M'gann said. "I've got it all."

I returned the hug. "I've missed you, too, M'gann."

"What is all this noise about?" a voice called. Right on cue, Conner walked in followed by a little green preteen and two other boys.

"Sorry I was disturbing your beauty nap," I smirked, slipping out of M'gann's arms.

Conner's eyebrows scrunched together when he finally recognized me. "And life gets even more complicated."

"Who are you?" the green one demanded. "And why is M'gann crying?"

I walked up to him.

"You're Garfield, or Gar, right? Also known as Beast Boy?" Gar nodded slowly. I lie smoothly, "Dickie told me about you. I'm an old friend. My name is–"

"Erin Sullivan!" said the shorter of the two normal colored boys.

I was stunned and looked to Dick for some help or even an explanation.

"This is Bart," Dick introduced. "He knows certain things because he's from the future."

With the red hair, green eyes and sense that Bart was on a sugar high, I took an educated guess and asked, "He's related to Wally, isn't he?"

Dick nodded, hiding a smile at my intuition.

"I can't believe I'm actually meeting _the_ Erin Sullivan. _You_," Bart, talking a hundred miles an hour, pointed at me, "are on crash warrior. Your history is insane. You were the team's first technical analyst and then there was the bomb and you–"

"Went traveling," I interrupted. I looked to Dick again. He nodded, showing his approval of my lie. Bart looked confused, but I ignored the look to turn my attention to other kid in the group. "I feel like we're leaving you out."

"I'm Jaime Reyes," he said. "Also known as the Blue Beetle or the kid who talks to himself, but you knew that already, didn't you?"

"I did," I admit. I knew a majority of the new team, but only because of the Mirror. "I was being polite. I was raised that way."

"If you guys will excuse us," Roy said as he put his hand on my back, "I'm going to show Erin to her room."

Dick stopped us a few feet away and whispered in my ear, "I'll talk to Bart about keeping your history on the DL. We don't want your story drifting into the wrong ears."

I nodded to show my appreciation.

Roy and I stopped in front of my old room. My name plate hadn't been removed, but that didn't stop me from being surprised when the door slid open for me to see that my room had been left completely untouched.

I ran my hands over the old wooden desk; my fingertips came away covered in dust.

"No one could bear to touch anything after–" Roy stopped suddenly.

"You guys could have at least cleaned it," was my sad attempt at a joke. My heart wasn't in it anyway.

I turned to see Roy with sadness in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I still can't believe that you're here," he whispered.

"I have a hard time believing it myself," I said honestly, "but we both know that there's something really bothering you."

A faint smile came to his lips. "You always could see right through me."

I sighed. "You're avoiding the question."

"I didn't hear one," he snapped. Same old Roy.

I crossed my arms and faced him square on. "Let me rephrase then: What. Is. Wrong."

Roy collapsed down on the bed. He slumped as if the world was crushing down on him.

"You had told me that you've been looking down on me these past five years. That means you've seen everything. Every stupid mistake, every idiotic decision I've made, you've seen it." Roy looked up at me with eyes so full of self-hate. "How can you even stand to be near me?"

I sat down next to him on the bed. "Red, I didn't leave you when I found out you were a clone. Why would I avoid you now? We're human. We all make mistakes and decisions that we regret. All we can do is to spend the rest of our time trying to make it up to the mistakes."

Roy finally looks at  
me. "You hung around the philosophers on the other side, didn't you?"

I laughed. It felt nice to laugh after so long left in solemnness.

Roy gently touched his fingertips to my cheek. He leaned in and I let him come so close our lips were barely touching, not enough to be called a kiss.

Then that annoying voice called a conscious chimed in.

"I can't," I choked as I stood up and turned away from him.

I heard the bed squeak as Roy stood up too.

"You can't what?" he asked.

I turned to face him. "You're _married_, Red. As much as I would like to, I can't just ignore that fact. I'm not that kind of girl."

"You didn't seem to mind a few days ago," Roy muttered.

"I was _dead_ a few days ago," I snapped. "I didn't think I would ever see you again. I wasn't exactly working within the rules of the living."

Roy didn't say anything. I don't think there really was anything he could have said. He just gave me a long look and then he left me all alone with my thoughts in my room.


	6. Opposites

The gymnasium wasn't a room I had gone to very often when I was just the technical analyst, so it was strange for me to crave the exercise to relieve the stress that was built up inside me.

When I was a teenager, the idea of wearing a sports bra and no shirt was horrifying. Now, my body seemed designed for it.

Sweat rolled down my stomach and onto my yoga pants as I kept myself hoisted up on the rings. I flipped out of the rings, landing softly on my feet. A smile tugged at my lips. I used to only dream about being as acrobatic as Dick.

Wanting to try something else, I made my way over to one of the hanging punching bags. I threw a few punches and swung a few kicks, but it didn't give me the same feeling.

I glanced around the gym. I wasn't ready to be done, but I didn't think I would be able to find another activity. That's when my eyes found the swords rack on the other side of the gym.

Smiling, I walked over to it, inspecting the weapons it held. A pair of sais caught my eye and I picked them up out of curiosity. They felt good and balanced in my hands, twirling easily and without effort.

I went to the panel next to the rack and prayed that the sandbags I had once seen Dick use were still in function. After pushing the button, I smiled as I watched two rows of sandbags hanging on ropes lowered until they were about six feet above the ground.

I attacked the bags like a cat with balls of yarn. As my muscles worked on their own, slashing and spinning their way through and around the bags, my mind was free to wander.

I thought of how, though being alive again was a miracle, my presence was upsetting everything. Though my old teammates welcomed me with open arms, the newbies were cautious of me. They had a right to be with these other new members just dropping from nowhere.

I kept arguing with myself whether or not to go see Abby. She was my best friend and I missed her so much.

And then there was Roy. I missed him and wanted him back, but I also didn't want to be the cause of a broken home for Lian. It took me years to stop blaming myself for my own parents' divorce.

I slashed at the last sandbag with full force.

As I huffed, I looked around to see the floor covered with white sand.

"Crap," I moaned. "Dickie's gonna make me clean this up."

"And why wouldn't I?" I turned to see Dick leaning against a gymnastic log. He assessed the damaged I had caused and laughed. "Wow. You're no longer spicy, you're lethal."

I smiled. "I'm getting used to it myself."

Dick's eyes land on the weapons in my hands. "Interesting that you're handy with a sai."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Don't you remember? That's Cheshire's weapon of choice."

I looked down and stared at the sais. I remembered a time when Kaldur and I were discussing the balances in the world.

_"To keep the balance, everyone has an opposite," Kaldur explained._

_"I'm pretty sure my mom is my opposite," I grumbled. I had gotten in a fight with her earlier in the day over going and seeing my dad. I didn't really want to, but mom believed in "personal time."_

_"You are never related to your opposite," Kaldur countered, "but everyone meets their opposite." Kaldur pauses. "I fear for the day that you meet your opposite."_

_I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Why?"_

_Kaldur gave a crooked grin. "It should be explosive."_

_A question popped into my head. "You don't think it's possible to get along with your opposite?"_

_Kaldur shook his head. "Never. There _is_ such thing as 'too opposite'."_

_I smiled. "Well, I'd love to meet _your_ opposite."_

Kaldur had gone on to mention that opposites always had a connection.

_Could jade be my opposite?_ Very.

Roy could definitely be the conflicting connection.

"Life's funny that way," I said out loud, but really to myself.

"It hasn't been very laughable from my point of view," Dick whispered.

That reminds me… "Dick, we need to talk. Without superpowered beings around to overhear."

He nodded. "Alright. Where do you suppose we go?"

I smiled. "Why don't we go get some ice cream?"

Dick sighed, remembering old times. "Yeah, because that when so well the last time."

I rolled my eyes.

"That was five years ago, Dick." _Things most certainly have changed. I'm not going to be the damsel in distress anymore._ "Just go get changed. Last thing we need is tomorrow's tabloid headline reading 'Nightwing gets mysterious new girl.' You are a dog after all."

Dick shook his head. "Haha. Every funny, Sullivan."


	7. Warning

"So," Dick sighed for the third time, "what did you need to talk to me about?"

I shook my head. "Not until I'm done with my ice cream."

I ate the chocolate soft serve at a moderately slow pace, taking in the rich taste that had been absent from me for far too long.

I took one last spoonful and then let the plastic spoon clank down into the empty bowl.

"Okay," I cooed, "I'm done." Dick looked relieved, but he had no idea what was coming his way. "What the _hell_ were you thinking?"

Dick was taken back. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," I chastised. "I saw everything and I know everything. Bringing Artemis back, faking her death, and putting Kaldur deep undercover was just plain stupid."

"You're upset about that? I've been doing what needs to be done. It comes with being a leader."

I groaned. "Dick, faking Artemis' death was overkill! I understand the need for deep undercover, but it's dangerous. Especially since you haven't even let the original team know."

"The ones who know are the ones who need to know," Dick replied.

"And that's a major danger, Dickie." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. "Especially with M'gann–"

"M'gann?" Dick interrupted. "Why M'gann?"

I looked at him with disbelief. "You really haven't noticed M'gann losing control? Even Conner knows." I leaned in. "Did you even question why they broke up?"

"People break up, Erin. Didn't you say yourself that I especially know that?"

I scoffed, "Not these two. Not after everything I saw them go through. Not to mention one of them is an extremely powerful telepath–"

"I'm ending this conversation." Dick stood up and started to walk away. I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Look," I said sharply, "I'm just telling you what I've seen. You may think that nothing gets past you because you're the leader, but everyone has their secrets. Everyone has a dark place. And I just got back. I don't want to see anyone else I care about leave. Permanently."

Dick sighed. "You're right. I'll keep an on M'gann."

Before Dick could walk away, I asked, "No one in the League knows, do they?"

"No. Only you, me, Wally, Kaldur, and Artemis know."

"Wally's right," _never, in life or death, did I think I would ever say that_. "It'll get even more dangerous from here. Someone could get seriously hurt, by the team no less. This will have repercussions no one saw coming."

"I know," Dick nodded. "We all know the risks. We agreed that it was worth it in the end."

_He still doesn't get it._ I narrow my eyes at him. "Was Jason worth it?"

Dick stiffened. "Did you have to bring him up?"

"If it makes you really listen and see the danger then yes." I knew that was a low blow, but I couldn't help it.

"The minute someone joins the team, they are made aware of the danger." Dick looked me in the eye. "We can't all come back from the dead."

I deflated. "Oaky, I deserved that. I'm sorry, Dick. I just don't want what happened to me happen to anyone else." I placed my face in my hands. "I mess everything up."

"We're going to need you," Dick countered. "I know we will. The Brotherhood wouldn't have brought you back if we didn't."

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Dickie."

A grin came to Dick's face. "You know you're the only one who has ever called me that?"

"Good," I smirked. "I don't like copycats."

Dick started to walk away. I knew I couldn't go back to the Cave, not yet. That only left me with two options. The second was easier.

Before Dick could get too far, I ran to stop him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You're Red's friend," I started. "I was wondering if… if he told you–"

"Baylor Memorial, Star City," he said simply.

I smiled crookedly, but wholeheartedly.


	8. Hospital Visit

The wooden door was like my own personal Mount Everest. If I could just walk through that door, I could anything else I needed to do.

According to the nurse at the floor desk, Roy, the original Roy, was in a drug-induced comma until his body grew used to not being chronically frozen.

I could see Roy's feet formed under the hospital blankets at the edge of the bed. The head of his bed was pushed up against the right wall. I wasn't close enough to the window to see his face.

Nurses, patients, and other visitors passed behind me, ignoring the girl who was trying to get the courage to go and see a comatose boy.

"Go on in," said a voice beside me. "He may be comatose, but it will help. Both of you."

I turned to see a skinny nurse was who had spoken. She was short, shorter than I had been before my transformation. Her bleached blonde hair was pulled up in a bun that might had at one point been tight, but now strands of hair were loose all over and her blue eyes looked droopy and tired. I saw that she was wearing flower patterned scrubs and holding a pile of freshly cleaned blankets. Her hospital ID badge named her "Jill Troy."

"He hasn't had any visitors to come see him," Jill continued. "Only phone calls to check up on him. I know it's scary to see him like that, but it gets better. He'll get out of it. Talking _does_ help."

I couldn't say anything. I didn't know _what_ to say.

Jill seemed to understand. She just gave me a small smile and walked into Roy's room. I followed her in, my heart pounding in my chest.

I watched as Jill changed Roy's blankets and checked over his vitals, standing a fair ways back. Before leaving, Jill placed a chair on the right side of the bed, the side closest to me. She gave me one last encouraging smile and left.

When the door shut, I slowly moved towards the bed. Just as I was about to sit down I noticed bandages covering Roy's right arm. The blanket was pulled up to his chest with only his left arm lying over the blankets. I took a deep breath, lifted the blanket… and collapsed into the chair.

Roy's right arm was missing.

I laid my head in my hands. I hadn't known about him losing his arm. I hadn't actually seen Red find Roy; I had only seen the others discussing the discovery. I could only imagine what had happened. Finally, I allowed myself to really look at his face.

Roy looked so young, like he had hardly aged in eight years.

I move from the chair the edge of the bed and gently pick up Roy's hand, inspecting it closely. It was soft and even a little fragile looking from years of not being used. My eyes drift back up to his face. It was peaceful.

But I didn't recognize it.

"Roy," I sighed, "I don't know if you remember me. Erin. I think that you must, since you were in love with me before you disappeared. If you woke up right now you probably wouldn't recognize me. I've changed a lot since the last time you saw me my freshman year." I was babbling. I just couldn't let it out, could I?

I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Finally, I let it out slowly. "Look, Roy. I came here today because I thought I could make life easier for everyone. Red could stay with Jade and Lian wouldn't have to live in a broken home like I did because I could be with you. Everyone's happy. But sitting here I realize that I can't do that. I don't know you. I know the features on your face, but not the person behind them." My eyes drift to his hand that I was still holding. "Red maybe your clone, but you can't be exactly like him. You've had different experiences and experiences make up who we are. You're not the Roy _I_ fell in love with." I bite my bottom lip. "I'm sorry."

Getting that all off my chest was a relief, though I feared I would have to repeat all of my speech when Roy woke up.

"I wish you didn't feel that way."

My eyes flicked back up to Roy's face, but he was still unconscious. I turned around.

Roy, my Roy, was leaning against the door. I didn't bother to ask how long he had been standing there, I already knew the answer. "Long enough."

"What?" I asked, a little hostile. "You _want_ me to move on to him?"

"That's not what I meant. I meant that I wish you didn't feel that you were messing everything up and needed to move on to the real Roy Harper to make things right." Roy stepped forward, pulling a packet of papers out of his inside coat pocket as I stood up. "I want you to see these."

I took the papers and read them. Then I gasped.

"Divorce papers?" I looked up at Roy. "You obviously weren't listening. This is exactly what I _didn't_ want to happen. I can't live with being responsible for Lian having divorced parents."

Roy shook his head. "Jade and I– we were doomed from the start. She even left at one point. Look at the date, Erin. The date I filed the papers."

I skimmed. Then looked up quickly. "A month ago? Before I even came back the first time?"

"Yeah," Roy laughed a little. "My life may be getting back together, but my marriage was never whole in the first place, Erin. Some marriages just don't make it, there's nothing we can do about it."

I sighed. "You always do that."

"Do what?" Roy stepped forward until we were only inches apart.

"Make me feel like an idiot after I jump to the wrong conclusions," I explained.

Roy smiled. "I don't mean to. You make it too easy. You always had that habit, you know."

I looked back down at the papers. "Jade hasn't signed them yet."

Roy let out a soft whistle. "I didn't know how to approach the situation with getting my head ripped off. We're still living together–"

"It's okay," I interrupt, handing him back the papers. "You don't have to explain yourself."

"Well that's a first."

I roll my eyes. I take one last glimpse at the Roy lying unconscious in the hospital bed. "I should get back to the Cave. I've got a lot of catching up to do."

Roy stepped out of my way and as I passed him, his fingers brushed against mine. The sparks I used to feel lit up at the contact and I thought, _Maybe there is hope after all._


End file.
